I have four kids. Shew. Sometimes just saying that out loud or seeing it written down still astounds me. I have major imposter syndrome and can’t believe that I’m allowed to just… walk around and be an adult. And I’m trusted with the wellbeing of a household?? Aren’t I still 17 and thinking I’m going to always be with that boy from high school that my mama doesn’t like? (Spoiler alert- if mama doesn’t like them, she’s right. Just for future reference) This life I’m living is fast-paced and chilled, loud and quiet, happy and sad, draining and fulfilling. Those don’t make a lot of sense put together that way unless you’re a parent, trust me; and more often that not I feel the weight of all of these paradoxes and just want to take a nap.
I’m having trouble with my redhead second-born. If you’re a mom, you know both of those descriptors have their own challenges individually. But together? Holy guacamole!
She is smarter than me. She’s 6!
She is independent and doesn’t follow the crowd.
She questions EVERYTHING.
She draws the best pictures. Don’t tell her older sister.
She has a fiery temper that can literally show up if you ask “What do you want for dinner?”
She will break down in tears as soon as the adrenaline from her temper leaves her tall, skinny body.
I looked at her this morning after speaking harshly to her several times and finally said “Listen. I am tired of being mad at you. You are wonderful and beautiful and I love you very much. I don’t like being mad at you all the time.” She nodded her head with a sad little look, and as she got out of the car to go to school I made sure the last thing she heard was “I love you! Have a great day!”
Here’s where normally I would have some sage advice for moms with children who lean more toward the “difficult” side. But I’m not doing that. I need some help.
Give me your best bible verses, best songs, best prayers for parenting with a gentle heart, even when your life or your child isn’t being gentle. Help this mommy first, and maybe we can spread some of that love around on days where patience is running thin.
